By BRENDA Growing up, I always believed that love had some sort of giving attached to it, and that something was expected in return.
Because ya know, everything felt like a simple process of giving and receiving.
Giving respect to my parents and receiving parental care in return.
Giving care to my siblings in the best way possible and receiving sibling love in return.
Giving friendship to my closest neighbor and expecting the same in return.
As I grow older, I realize that while all this served me and I can’t complain, there was something missing.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Learning to love myself first has taught me that when I pour into my own cup, I can pour into the cups of others even more intentionally and generously.
I have also learned that loving myself doesn’t have to be grand.
I don’t need to wait for spa day to shower myself with love.
Neither do I need to book a solo trip to remind myself of my worth.
And yes, those experiences can be beautiful.
They do speak to the heart and reflect what we value.
But self love can be simpler.
It can begin small, daily and with consistency.
Being the month of love, I might as well share 6 ways I’ve learned to tend to myself through small daily rituals of self-love.
In this blog, I categorise these actions using Dr. Gary Chapman’s framework from The Five Love Languages, which includes Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts.
Through these simple but powerful practices, I hope you feel inspired to choose your own personal ways of showing up for yourself daily.
1. Brewing My Coffee to Satisfaction (Acts of service)
Having my coffee well brewed is a sacred practice for me.
If we speak in Dr. Chapman’s language, it’s definitely a form of Acts of Service.
Depending on which one I choose —a cold brew or warm Americano, it’s gotta give me that “mmmm…” feeling
The type of roast matters too.
Some seasons of life call for a bold, grounding, strong dark roast.
Other times, it’s a medium roast that just hits the spot.
Knowing these details about myself saves me from decision fatigue when I step out to indulge in coffee at a café or restaurant.
There is something empowering about knowing your preferences and honoring them.
Brewing my coffee intentionally reminds me that my mornings matter and that I deserve to start my day with care instead of chaos.
It may seem small.
But small, repeated rituals shape how we experience our lives.
2. Watching the Sunrise or Sunset (Quality time)
Starting the day in quiet presence while watching the sunrise or ending it by watching the sunset is a form of Quality Time with myself.
This practice, above everything else, gives me space to begin again.
It’s during this time that I sip my morning coffee, set my intentions for the day, and reflect in my journal on how I want to show up.
I often begin my entries with the reminder:
His mercies are new every morning… I can try again today.
As the sun rises, it feels like a beautiful transition and a gentle invitation to greet the day and recognize the blessing of breath in my lungs.
In the evening, the sunset feels like closure and permission to release what didn’t go perfectly.
This simple ritual keeps me grounded in gratitude.
And when gratitude becomes your baseline, it becomes easier to recognize your blessings, even amidst uncertainty.
It keeps me balanced through the chaos I sometimes encounter while navigating the day.
The sun rises and sets regardless of how I feel.
And in witnessing that consistency, I find steadiness.
3. Making meals that nourish my body (Acts of Service)
This practice did not come easily.
I’ve had to learn through trial, error, and awareness, that my body truly thrives when I nourish it well.
We’re talking meals rich in fiber, protein, vitamins, and antioxidants— that are energizing.
And most importantly, making these consistently.
Showing up for myself this way reminds me daily how much I appreciate the gift of life by treating my body as a treasure.
In the past, oily foods tasted amazing even when at the back of my mind, I knew they didn’t make me feel my best.
Now that I’ve experienced the benefits of vibrant salads, balanced meals, and drinking at least two litres of water daily, it has become a tangible way of loving myself.
It’s another form of Acts of Service and caring for my body in ways that support its long-term well-being.
Self-love, in this case, looks like discipline wrapped in kindness.
4. Buying and Growing Flowers (Receiving Gifts)
Plants really have a way of filling spaces with beauty.
I grew up in a home with a garden, where tending plants was part of daily life.
And just like that, gardening became something deeply rooted in me.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that nurturing plants is part of who I am.
This is something I carry close to my heart.
Now, wherever I live, I create a small garden space.
Some of my plants bloom, making it easy to place fresh flowers on my table, especially the one where I spend most of my time working, dreaming, and planning.
And when my plants aren’t blooming, I treat myself to a bouquet from a floral shop.
This is my version of Receiving Gifts: giving beauty to myself intentionally.
Flowers remind me that growth takes patience.
That blooming happens in seasons and that beauty can be cultivated.
They soften my environment and in many ways, they soften me too.
5. Positive Affirmations (Words of Affirmation)
Isn’t it interesting that what we repeatedly tell ourselves eventually shapes what we believe to be true?
A wise man, Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right!”
And science backs him up.
According to neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart, identity is a result of the thoughts, emotions and behaviors the brain repeats often to believe are “you”.
Spiralling in negative thoughts has power, but so do positive ones.
I’ve learned that intentionally replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations is a powerful way to practice Words of Affirmation love language toward myself.
Instead of “There’s no way I can do that,” I choose, “ Oh hell yeah, I’m going to try doing that.”
Instead of “I failed,” I choose, “I am learning.”
The words I repeat become the identity I embody.
And loving myself means speaking to myself with compassion, not criticism.
6. Moving to My Favourite Tunes (Physical Touch)
Last but certainly not least, self-love through movement and music.
Truly, music is to the soul what words are to the mind.
When I move to beats I love — whether spinning on a bike or dancing freely in my room — I experience a deep connection with my body.
There is something sacred about being in rhythm.
Cycling with intensity and letting my body move naturally creates a feeling of reverence for my body
It’s an invitation to appreciate what my body can do when it moves in harmony with sound.
Within Dr. Chapman’s framework, I see this as Physical Touch and embodied presence, plus reconnecting with myself physically and emotionally.
During a dance or spinning session, it’s always a moment to celebrate my body.
Final thoughts
Through showing up for myself in the 6 ways above, I’m reminded that self love means doing the things I love daily.
I’ve also learnt that self love is steady, intentional and repeated.
It is brewing your coffee exactly the way you like it.
It is watching the sky change colors and remembering you can begin again.
It is nourishing your body even when convenience tempts you otherwise.
It is surrounding yourself with beauty.
It is speaking kindly to yourself.
It is moving in ways that feel like joy.
Once you fill your cup, self-love shifts from being something you wait to receive and becomes something you choose to give.
And perhaps that is the greatest transformation of all.
When you stop waiting for someone else to validate your worth, and begin to live from it.
You begin to pour from a full cup.
You begin to show up more gently, more intentionally, and more confidently — not just for yourself, but for everyone around you.
Because loving yourself well does not make you selfish.
It makes you sustainable.
And in a world that constantly demands more, choosing to care for yourself daily is one of the most radical and grounding acts you can practice.
As we continue to celebrate love this month, may you find your own rituals.
May you practice them consistently.
May you remember that you are worthy of your own love — not someday, but everyday🤍.